Arm in Arm

You look forward in to her eyes
She has grown when you weren't watching
She is now as tall as you are
She still looks up to you however

How you treat her
Is how she will always want to be treated
Maybe subconsciously
But you have formed her expectation

Now the opportunity arises
She is in need of discipline
A lecture, a punishment, harsh words
But are there other options?

She seems dug in
At this age she can't afford to be wrong
She won't be shown up
She loves you but wants her independence

An argument is ready to explode
And she does not know how to stop it
It is a turf battle that goes far beyond
The matter foremost in your mind

So you apply what you have learned
You take the role of the adult
You reach out to her
And take her in your arms

All to worlds problems are not solved that day
But a world of respect is gained
A child looks up to her parent
And knows that she was wrong

The hug communicates the love
The love communicates the heart
The heart feeds the mind the words
To communicate problem and resolution

~ Michael L. Perkins
October 6, 2005

And the leaves are falling...

The first day of school
Excitement fills the air
New clothes, supplies, friends
Summer fun to remember and share

To the child it is the beginning of a new day
To the parent the end of another year
The child things in terms of future
The parent keeps recalling the past

So much given to raise this child
So much given to provide
Filling the schedule with the upcoming events
The year seems scripted before it has begun

I remind myself to be patient
The let the minutes occur by themselves
Not to rush through the day and my life
But to enjoy each moment

The leaves are still on the tree
I must not already see them falling
The children are still growing and needing
I must not see them as gone and grown up

There is an excitement in the air
A sense of promise and wonder
I breathe it in, fill my soul
And I know that I am also young

~ Michael L. Perkins
August 24, 2006

Inside A Father's Soul

You look down at those eyes
And you see everything you ever dreamed of being
You see unlimited opportunities
You see unconditional love and respect

Inside, your soul somersaults
Can I provide this child with the opportunities?
Can they succeed where I have failed?
Will this child always love the real me?

My child sees all of me that is good
And looks past or doesn't understand my deficiencies
The passion in their eyes has not been beaten down
By the realities of a harsh world

As a father, should I introduce the harsh realities
And take away their opinion of the perfect world
Or let the world present it's dangers to them
And help them navigate through as they need me

As a father, should I assume that they will trip as I have
Or let them walk on their own and see how they balance
By sharing my experiences, do I create their own?
Would I be better to just nudge them forward versus leading?

A father's soul can be simplified
The child goes long, the father let's the ball fly
Running, looking back over the shoulder, finding the flight of the ball
Catching, holding on; a completion and all is well

If only imparting all of life's joys and lessons could be so easy

A father's soul can be too complex
Perfection is the only goal
I haven't been but my child can be
They will be all that I couldn't bring myself to be

It is best to let them fly
They have wings of their own and they will flap them
I must nudge them out of the nest
Impart in them the self-confidence to fly

Each child must find their own way
Follow the road that they choose to travel
As a parent, I must only help them learn to drive
To stay on the road as much as possible

And when they get mud on their tires
And life's dirt has attempted to stain them
I must be ready to wash them clean
Through acceptance, love and compassion

A father's job is never done
But is made easier if mom is on the job too
A child needs to understand that they have a safe haven
A home where they can always just be themselves

A father's soul is restless
Have I done enough?
Will this child love themselves as much as I love them?
Will they understand their purpose in life?

A father's soul is full of fright
How can I impart the wisdom I could never grasp?
How can I teach them purpose when I sometimes question my own?
How can I?


Imparting all of life's joy and lessons means clearly showing your child
that you don't have all the answers

A father's soul should be filled with humility
And pride
A father's soul should be filled
And emptied out again and again for that child


~ Michael L. Perkins
date unavailable

Music To Live By

JAZZ... the freedom to float away
yet know always where you are,
to journey outward on and on
and never venture too far.

CLASSICAL... the strictness of form
all full of pattern and grace
never varying from its intentions
but saying more than is on its face

COUNTRY...
always to
the heart
human emotion
at its most sad,
somehow shining
gloomy light on
all somehow
making one
glad.

ROCK... no form, no intention,
but to be heard, felt, understood,
no thinging, no inner meaning,
just listening, feeling good.

LIFE... the music of many instruments
many styles coming as one,
giving us freedom, discipline,
sadness and fun.

MAN... all hear a different song
all live a different life,
being able to appreciate all forms
rids all of needless strife.

AS MUSIC SOOTHES THE LISTENER
SO MUST LIFE SOOTHE THE LIVING,
OPEN YOURSELF TO ALL THERE IS
RECEIVE ALL THAT LIFE IS GIVING.


~ Mike L. Perkins

Chaff & Grain
West Virginia Wesleyan College Literary Magazine
Spring, 1986

Poetry

My wife has unearthed some prose I wrote many years. One of them was published when I was in college at West Virginia Wesleyan College in Buckhannon, WV. I will post them as my next four posts, then hope to continue to write as 2017 dawns.

Happy New Year everyone!

If you choose not to decide...

...you still have made a choice.

Throughout my various work and personal experiences I have always been amazed by the individual that seemingly turns on a dime and executes decision after decision. I am one that sometimes views those individuals as moths attracted to the flame. Truth be told though, I err too far on the other side - deliberation, consideration, what could go wrong; I will throw one chip in but am very unlikely to push all my chips to the center of the table.

While that has served me well in my line of work, I ask you - is it better to always go, go, go or to more often take it slow?

(Title and opening line influenced by "Freewill" lyrics as performed by Rush. Remainder of text influenced by all that is my life.)

Silence

During my college days I was blessed with the opportunity to play in a fantastic jazz ensemble at West Virginia Wesleyan College. During one of our rehearsals we were taught by Bob Thompson, an accomplished jazz pianist, and some of the lessons from that day continue to resonate in my life. One of those dealt with silence.

Mr. Thompson was discussing the power of music, and how music was comprised of both notes and rests. He asked for a volunteer to improvise with him and one of our best jazz players answered the call. They spoke for just a minute and then Mr. Thompson started playing some standard jazz chord progressions. The trombone player lifted his horn to his mouth but didn't play. He then lowered the horn. A couple of measures later he did the same. He then played a few simple long notes and then returned to listing his horn but not playing.

His message in this demonstration was simple... the rests cause the listener to begin to anticipate. The silence builds anticipation. By not playing, the musician is, in a way, ensuring that the focus of the listener is heightened so when he does play it is more impactful.

I can't help but think of this lesson often in the workplace.

Each time I am in a meeting and someone dominates the conversation I think of this lesson.

Each time an issue arises and emotions flare I think of this lesson.

I work hard at listening. I like silence and listening to be my way of demonstrating the importance of the other people in the room, of the person who is wanting to get their point across.

I learn through listening, not through talking. When I speak I am only solidifying my views, which doesn't lead to learning or growth.

And when I want my voice heard, I try to set the stage like a musician using rests to focus the listeners on the music to come.

Thanks Mr. Thompson.

(Note: If you haven't taken in Bob Thompson's music do yourself a favor and buy some of his work; maybe start with Bob Thompson "Live" On Mountain Stage)

The Boss Shows the Way

Watching and learning. As I watched, some short but obvious principles of leadership kept running through my mind.

-- Once you get to a point where people call you The Boss, you've developed experience in many skills and situations. Rely on those skills.

-- Similarly, there are likely many around you that also have vast experience and accomplishments, rely on them as well.

-- And yet add youth, or new talent, often so that the overall ensemble remains fresh and willing to consider the new not just the old.

-- Do not lose sight of the importance of family. Whenever possible, honor the families that are part of the success.

-- While you are leading with your strengths and experiences, do not hesitate to try new things, new ways of accomplishing your mission.

-- When you know you are right, do not listen to the critics. Stay true to your gut and confidence.

-- Find opportunities for others to take the lead. When they do, step back and let them be clearly out in front. But also take care to not completely relinquish your role.

-- Honor those who contribute to your success including your competitors and your customers.

-- Remember that outworking others can be as important as outsmarting. While your talent may be an obvious part of your past success, your continued desire to outwork the competition is key to your future success.

-- Give the public what they want but also teach them and lead them to new approaches.

The concert Saturday night in Pittsburgh was fantastic. The Boss continues to lead. Sixty six years old and he never left the stage during the three hour and twenty minute concert. The entire E Street Band accompanied him, absent those that had passed away, yet a couple of new musicians were present as well. Jake Clemons, son of Clarence, filled in on sax and percussion. While much of the setlist centered on one album from 1980 (The River), the Boss also played many of his standards, along with some newer songs in his catalog that are important to him.

"Yeah we know that come tomorrow, none of this will be here. So hold tight to your anger and don't fall to your fears."

A Lesson in Success, Learned From My Son

There are many times when lessons are learned even when you are not seeking knowledge. My son has taught me a significant lesson over the past few months and the lesson deals with commitment, initiative, optimism, learning and application of the skills acquired.

My approach to problem solving and empowerment at work will be impacted by this lesson.

This all started with a 2006 Volvo S40.

Commitment

My son is 17. Early last year he became interested in acquiring a used vehicle, a standard, and hopefully one that could meet the test for being cool in today's high school environment. I was surprised by his efforts to locate just the right vehicle, and even more surprised when he told me he found what he wanted. The sleek black Volvo was for sale at a very reasonable price and he worked towards acquiring it. Once it made it to our driveway he worked on it almost every available hour - washing / waxing almost daily, detailing the inside, resolving small issues that he could repair and customizing the paint and wheels to his satisfaction. All was well until the engine blew.

Initiative

My son is interested in becoming a diesel tech / mechanic and currently works in a diesel shop. While he is interested in engines and how they work he certainly is early in the process of understanding them and / or knowing how to repair them. When the Volvo engine failed he dug in to try to figure out what went wrong and how it might be resolved. We involved a Volvo mechanic at one point and his message was clear, this engine can't be fixed and the price of replacing it is too much. Scrap the car and move on. From my perspective (meaning I have no idea when it comes to engines) this sounded like sound reasoning, wisdom even - cut your losses and give up on this difficult if not impossible project.

Optimism

From my son's perspective he just could not accept giving up on the problem so quickly. He was invested in this car. Financially invested, yes, but more so through the hours of effort and the emotional attachment that comes with owning your dream car. Despite my efforts of acting on the wisdom of the Volvo mechanic, my son pressed on. And without fail he continued to state that it could be fixed. Everything that the Volvo mechanic stated (I won't bore you with the mechanical details; I would probably relay them incorrectly anyway), my son said "but he wasn't considering this", or "I think I can find a way to solve that". Optimism was the drum beat.

Learning

Every so often my son would give me an update. The Volvo was now in our garage in quite a state of disrepair, with engine parts strewn everywhere. One day my son walks up to me and starts talking about some progress he has made. I see his mobile phone and I ask him why there are black marks all over the back of it. Oh, he responds, it is just engine grease. So I learn through this interaction that he is using YouTube as his knowledge center, looking up how-to's related to foreign cars, Volvo specific, and how valves and cylinders and timing belts work and sometimes don't. Many times he would just set his phone down near where he was working and watch the video as he applied what he was watching and learning. Amazing.

He also sought out additional expertise through a friend and his father that work on cars as a hobby. They had a similar optimism in their views on getting the car running.

Application

Soon enough, and for far less than a complete engine rebuild / replacement, the optimism started to appear well founded. The application of the knowledge he had gathered was tremendous. I would get almost daily updates that would go something like this - "we think we have it narrowed down to three options. I am pursuing this option first and will have the parts tomorrow". Everything the expert had told us was right in some ways - from his perspective this would be a huge project, very time consuming and therefore very expensive, without 100% assurance of success. He didn't know that my son would invest the time, gain the knowledge, work endless hours for no charge but with confidence that the car would live again. My son was 100% confident that he would be successful.

Solution

Earlier this week I received a text from my son. It read simply "It's allllivvvvveeeee!!!!!". He soon sent me a Snapchat as further proof.

So much of his success was based on his approach; he wouldn't accept no as an answer without proving it to himself, he committed himself to learning and took the initiative to gain knowledge and apply it, and he remained optimistic throughout, regardless of the setbacks along the way.

Success.

For the Better

It had already been an amazing vacation week. Just a quick recap...

We left home on Friday the 27th and drove straight through to St. Petersburg / Clearwater Florida. Kelsey is there all summer at Eckard College in leadership training with the Navigators group from Kent State University. We enjoyed several days in the beautiful area with a lot of Kelsey time, some deep sea fishing, go cart racing, a visit to the Bradenton area and watching the sun set on two different beaches. I will blog about those adventures in the coming days. We left Florida on July 1st and made the trip back in two days, arriving home late on July 2nd.

We headed to Columbus on July 3rd and celebrated Red White and Boom with Brittany and Sean in Columbus that evening. It was a beautiful evening, a big crowd downtown, and we just enjoyed the opportunity to catch up and enjoy the evening. Sean and I went to get drinks for everyone at one point and on the way back he asked if he could talk to me about something very important. As we walked he asked for my daughter's hand in marriage. It was a beautiful and much appreciated gesture. Sean took the time to talk to me about why he loved Brittany so much, how their relationship had grown, and how certain he was of their future together. He said he was still working out the details on how he would propose but he just wanted to make sure he had my blessing. He did.

We returned to Mary and Brittany and saw an incredible fireworks display. On the way back to the apartment we walked to Steve and Matt's apartment and had some great time there with those two as well as Amy, Paula and Gary. An incredible evening.

The next day we enjoyed more time with Brittany and Sean and then headed to the Dublin 4th of July Fest. The evening would include a performance by the Floorwalkers, Brittany and Sean's favorite band that is now based in Columbus, and then a performance by Earth Wind and Fire followed by fireworks. We met up with Lon, Penny and Dustin Janezic for the evening festivities and then a friend  of theirs, Jeremy Buschur, joined us as well.

The Floorwalkers were very entertaining. If you aren't familiar with them check out their music on iTunes. They will now forever be one of my favorite bands.

Part way through their set the world slowed down. The lead singer called out from the stage - "Are there any lovers out there? Put your hand up if you are in love." He then said something like "We have a great follower out there in the bleacher section that is in love. Sean - are you out there?" At this point Sean gets the attention of everyone sitting anywhere near us and basically the entire crowd is turned looking our way. Sean says I'm in love with an amazing woman, Brittany, and tonight I'm going to ask her to marry me. He turns, drops to one knee and proposes with a ring. His parents, Mary and I, Dustin, we all just can't believe what is happening at this point. Brittany says "yes" and Sean yells to the crowd "She said yes!" and everyone cheers. Magical. So well done.

We learned afterwards that Sean had contacted the band through their website and then traded emails with the lead singer to set everything up. No one knew what was coming but Sean and the lead singer. So well done.

Every minute, no complaints

I feel like my days are too full sometimes; wish I had more me time. But when I truly reflect on my day, I would not change anything. Today I had breakfast with my sons, then played a quick nine holes with Aaron when Christian had to work. I worked three and a half hours washing cars to raise funds for the band. Had a nice dinner and evening with my beautiful wife, then helped Aaron pack for Boys State. Full, yes. Complaints, no. Blessed.

This Time It Is Rosa Parks

When the children are all grown up and away from home I will miss evenings like this. And early mornings like this. This time it is Rosa Parks. A paper that needs to be written by Aaron - well just note cards and bibliography at this point. He is doing good work and I am just keeping him focused more than anything else. Oh how many times this drill has been repeated. I treasure these moments. I have always enjoyed the feeling of being up late in to the night; the solitude; the focus. Even when helping one of the children with a project, it feels right. I will miss this. Someday. Only a few more years.

A Little Bit of Everything

Mary and I traveled to Kent State today. Kelsey had returned for the semester last week and stayed with a friend, Abby. We took more of her stuff up today and joined her for lunch, along with Abby and Janine. What a wonderful lunch of conversation and sharing! Kelsey is so comfortable at Kent, and was so excited to be back there for this semester. It is heartwarming as a parent to see your child in that way - finding their own place and their own way and being so comfortable in their own skin!

I titled this post A Little Bit of Everything in reference to a great song shared by Amy McGrew. The song is by the Dawes and is definitely worth checking out.

Kelsey is living life and taking time to experience a  little bit of everything. Keep doing what you do Kelsey!

A Little Bit of Everything - the Dawes

You

You are awesome!

Day 14 - Europe 2013

Traveling day today. We were up at 3:30 a.m. and off to Munich airport. Catching a flight to Paris and then a direct flight from Paris to Pittsburgh.

What a great two weeks it has been.

Six countries; US, England in the UK, France, Belgium, Germany and Austria.

Great times with great people. The weather could not have been better.

We were delayed many hours in Paris. All told our travel home consumed around 26 hours. No problems. It was a wonderful adventure.

Blessed.

Day 13 - Europe 2013

Today we visited Salzburg, Austria and took a walking tour of the city.

 

We then traveled back in to Germany and up in to the Bavarian Alps and to Hitler's summer home, Eagle's Nest.

 

After visiting the Eagle's Nest we went back down to the Documentation Center and had a tour of the bunker system. Amazing. We then hiked down to where Hitler's personal residence had been. A phenomenal tour!

Day 12 - Europe 2013

We took a driving tour of Munich. Our tour guide was named John and he was fantastic.

We went to BMW world, it was enjoyable (and had free toilets)    :)

 

We went to see the glockenspiel chime at 11:00 a.m. We walked around to various food and craft shops. We had lunch at Marienplatz and had some wonderful entertainment. 

We spent the afternoon at the concentration camp in Dachau. There are no words. It was very informative and meaningful to walk the land. The memorials in place were very moving.

 

We had dinner at Ratzkeller in Marienplatz. It was fabulous and fun. We took the train back to the hotel and shared some time in the lobby. This has been a great group and I'm sad to see this trip coming to an end. I am certainly looking forward to getting home though!

Day 11 - Europe 2013

We drove to Nuremburg and visited the Documentation Center which was on the grounds of where the Nazi's staged their rallies while in power. An absolutely incredible museum. The buildings that are in place are tremendous and the museum does a great job of presenting the Nazi presence in Nuremberg.

 

We arrived in Munich and drove past the Olympic stadiums from 1972.

Dinner was a bust but we had spaghetti at the hotel. Early night tonight as we have a busy day tomorrow.

Day 10 - Europe 2013

We started later (9:45) due to our late arrival. We took a 2 hour bus tour of Berlin with Craig as our guide. Craig is an American and did a great job.

We went to the Memorial to Jewish that died in World War II. This is a haunting memorial and the designer will not reveal his symbolism. Craig shared his interpretation - that maybe some blocks that did not protrude from the ground were obstacles for the Jewish people that were already part of the culture of Germany prior to WWII. For instance, the Jewish people had been taxed differently. Other blocks were more raised out of the ground. As you move towards the center of the monument the blocks are bigger obstacles and more intimidating. You get overwhelmed and intimidated. Maybe these represent the ultimate obstacles that the Jewish faced with ultimately death being the largest obstacle. The symbolism also applies to the US and other allies in that we did not recognize the obstacles being placed in front of the Jewish people until they were too large to overcome.

 

Craig showed us a piece of the Berlin Wall that pays homage to a moment in 1961 and an iconic photograph taken in that moment. The moment capture Conrad Schumann jumping from East to West in 1961 as the East begins laying down barbed wire to separate the city. This became an iconic moment representing the desires of easterner to be in the west. Craig told us that the effect on Conrad Schumann was sad unfortunately as his family resented him leaving and he ultimately committed suicide.

Craig also showed us where hitler's Bunker was located, near the Jewish Memorial.

We visited many other points of significance including the Russian Memorial, the Reichstag (Parliament), the Brandenburg Gate, the President's home and the Victory Column.

Unfortunately we ate at the McDonald's by Checkpoint Charlie. We were rushed for time and Christian wanted a McDonals's burger.

Craig told us about how the East erected a TV tower meant to show their dominance. However, it became quickly known, and an embarrassment to the East, that the tower reflected a cross when the sun was overhead. The Eastern government attempted to halt this through paint and chemicals applied to the tower, but never could. Reagan even mentioned this in a speech in Berlin.

 

I got a great picture from the bridge by our hotel.

Raj, Sonu, Christian, Sarah and I played Rummy in the lobby until late. Tomorrow we leave Berlin and head to Munich.

Day 9 - Europe 2013

We left Spa Belgium and visited the Henri Chapelle  American Cemetery and Memorial. The Cemetery is beautiful and I walked end to end. The views of the surrounding villages were also breathtaking. Raj and I followed a 'quiz' provided in the information area and found the graves of the Tester brothers; three brothers killed in WWII and immortalized in the movie Saving Private Ryan.

 

We then traveled to Cologne to see the Cathedral.

We had lunch then a quick walking tour of Cologne. We then took in the shopping district. Tonight we have some interesting change in plans related to our travel connections and will be traveling to Berlin with an a.m. arrival.

Due to significant flooding throughout Europe our train was diverted and had to travel very slow at times. We did not get in to our hotel until approaching 1:00 a.m.