Arm in Arm

You look forward in to her eyes
She has grown when you weren't watching
She is now as tall as you are
She still looks up to you however

How you treat her
Is how she will always want to be treated
Maybe subconsciously
But you have formed her expectation

Now the opportunity arises
She is in need of discipline
A lecture, a punishment, harsh words
But are there other options?

She seems dug in
At this age she can't afford to be wrong
She won't be shown up
She loves you but wants her independence

An argument is ready to explode
And she does not know how to stop it
It is a turf battle that goes far beyond
The matter foremost in your mind

So you apply what you have learned
You take the role of the adult
You reach out to her
And take her in your arms

All to worlds problems are not solved that day
But a world of respect is gained
A child looks up to her parent
And knows that she was wrong

The hug communicates the love
The love communicates the heart
The heart feeds the mind the words
To communicate problem and resolution

~ Michael L. Perkins
October 6, 2005

And the leaves are falling...

The first day of school
Excitement fills the air
New clothes, supplies, friends
Summer fun to remember and share

To the child it is the beginning of a new day
To the parent the end of another year
The child things in terms of future
The parent keeps recalling the past

So much given to raise this child
So much given to provide
Filling the schedule with the upcoming events
The year seems scripted before it has begun

I remind myself to be patient
The let the minutes occur by themselves
Not to rush through the day and my life
But to enjoy each moment

The leaves are still on the tree
I must not already see them falling
The children are still growing and needing
I must not see them as gone and grown up

There is an excitement in the air
A sense of promise and wonder
I breathe it in, fill my soul
And I know that I am also young

~ Michael L. Perkins
August 24, 2006

Inside A Father's Soul

You look down at those eyes
And you see everything you ever dreamed of being
You see unlimited opportunities
You see unconditional love and respect

Inside, your soul somersaults
Can I provide this child with the opportunities?
Can they succeed where I have failed?
Will this child always love the real me?

My child sees all of me that is good
And looks past or doesn't understand my deficiencies
The passion in their eyes has not been beaten down
By the realities of a harsh world

As a father, should I introduce the harsh realities
And take away their opinion of the perfect world
Or let the world present it's dangers to them
And help them navigate through as they need me

As a father, should I assume that they will trip as I have
Or let them walk on their own and see how they balance
By sharing my experiences, do I create their own?
Would I be better to just nudge them forward versus leading?

A father's soul can be simplified
The child goes long, the father let's the ball fly
Running, looking back over the shoulder, finding the flight of the ball
Catching, holding on; a completion and all is well

If only imparting all of life's joys and lessons could be so easy

A father's soul can be too complex
Perfection is the only goal
I haven't been but my child can be
They will be all that I couldn't bring myself to be

It is best to let them fly
They have wings of their own and they will flap them
I must nudge them out of the nest
Impart in them the self-confidence to fly

Each child must find their own way
Follow the road that they choose to travel
As a parent, I must only help them learn to drive
To stay on the road as much as possible

And when they get mud on their tires
And life's dirt has attempted to stain them
I must be ready to wash them clean
Through acceptance, love and compassion

A father's job is never done
But is made easier if mom is on the job too
A child needs to understand that they have a safe haven
A home where they can always just be themselves

A father's soul is restless
Have I done enough?
Will this child love themselves as much as I love them?
Will they understand their purpose in life?

A father's soul is full of fright
How can I impart the wisdom I could never grasp?
How can I teach them purpose when I sometimes question my own?
How can I?


Imparting all of life's joy and lessons means clearly showing your child
that you don't have all the answers

A father's soul should be filled with humility
And pride
A father's soul should be filled
And emptied out again and again for that child


~ Michael L. Perkins
date unavailable

Music To Live By

JAZZ... the freedom to float away
yet know always where you are,
to journey outward on and on
and never venture too far.

CLASSICAL... the strictness of form
all full of pattern and grace
never varying from its intentions
but saying more than is on its face

COUNTRY...
always to
the heart
human emotion
at its most sad,
somehow shining
gloomy light on
all somehow
making one
glad.

ROCK... no form, no intention,
but to be heard, felt, understood,
no thinging, no inner meaning,
just listening, feeling good.

LIFE... the music of many instruments
many styles coming as one,
giving us freedom, discipline,
sadness and fun.

MAN... all hear a different song
all live a different life,
being able to appreciate all forms
rids all of needless strife.

AS MUSIC SOOTHES THE LISTENER
SO MUST LIFE SOOTHE THE LIVING,
OPEN YOURSELF TO ALL THERE IS
RECEIVE ALL THAT LIFE IS GIVING.


~ Mike L. Perkins

Chaff & Grain
West Virginia Wesleyan College Literary Magazine
Spring, 1986

Poetry

My wife has unearthed some prose I wrote many years. One of them was published when I was in college at West Virginia Wesleyan College in Buckhannon, WV. I will post them as my next four posts, then hope to continue to write as 2017 dawns.

Happy New Year everyone!

If you choose not to decide...

...you still have made a choice.

Throughout my various work and personal experiences I have always been amazed by the individual that seemingly turns on a dime and executes decision after decision. I am one that sometimes views those individuals as moths attracted to the flame. Truth be told though, I err too far on the other side - deliberation, consideration, what could go wrong; I will throw one chip in but am very unlikely to push all my chips to the center of the table.

While that has served me well in my line of work, I ask you - is it better to always go, go, go or to more often take it slow?

(Title and opening line influenced by "Freewill" lyrics as performed by Rush. Remainder of text influenced by all that is my life.)

Silence

During my college days I was blessed with the opportunity to play in a fantastic jazz ensemble at West Virginia Wesleyan College. During one of our rehearsals we were taught by Bob Thompson, an accomplished jazz pianist, and some of the lessons from that day continue to resonate in my life. One of those dealt with silence.

Mr. Thompson was discussing the power of music, and how music was comprised of both notes and rests. He asked for a volunteer to improvise with him and one of our best jazz players answered the call. They spoke for just a minute and then Mr. Thompson started playing some standard jazz chord progressions. The trombone player lifted his horn to his mouth but didn't play. He then lowered the horn. A couple of measures later he did the same. He then played a few simple long notes and then returned to listing his horn but not playing.

His message in this demonstration was simple... the rests cause the listener to begin to anticipate. The silence builds anticipation. By not playing, the musician is, in a way, ensuring that the focus of the listener is heightened so when he does play it is more impactful.

I can't help but think of this lesson often in the workplace.

Each time I am in a meeting and someone dominates the conversation I think of this lesson.

Each time an issue arises and emotions flare I think of this lesson.

I work hard at listening. I like silence and listening to be my way of demonstrating the importance of the other people in the room, of the person who is wanting to get their point across.

I learn through listening, not through talking. When I speak I am only solidifying my views, which doesn't lead to learning or growth.

And when I want my voice heard, I try to set the stage like a musician using rests to focus the listeners on the music to come.

Thanks Mr. Thompson.

(Note: If you haven't taken in Bob Thompson's music do yourself a favor and buy some of his work; maybe start with Bob Thompson "Live" On Mountain Stage)

The Boss Shows the Way

Watching and learning. As I watched, some short but obvious principles of leadership kept running through my mind.

-- Once you get to a point where people call you The Boss, you've developed experience in many skills and situations. Rely on those skills.

-- Similarly, there are likely many around you that also have vast experience and accomplishments, rely on them as well.

-- And yet add youth, or new talent, often so that the overall ensemble remains fresh and willing to consider the new not just the old.

-- Do not lose sight of the importance of family. Whenever possible, honor the families that are part of the success.

-- While you are leading with your strengths and experiences, do not hesitate to try new things, new ways of accomplishing your mission.

-- When you know you are right, do not listen to the critics. Stay true to your gut and confidence.

-- Find opportunities for others to take the lead. When they do, step back and let them be clearly out in front. But also take care to not completely relinquish your role.

-- Honor those who contribute to your success including your competitors and your customers.

-- Remember that outworking others can be as important as outsmarting. While your talent may be an obvious part of your past success, your continued desire to outwork the competition is key to your future success.

-- Give the public what they want but also teach them and lead them to new approaches.

The concert Saturday night in Pittsburgh was fantastic. The Boss continues to lead. Sixty six years old and he never left the stage during the three hour and twenty minute concert. The entire E Street Band accompanied him, absent those that had passed away, yet a couple of new musicians were present as well. Jake Clemons, son of Clarence, filled in on sax and percussion. While much of the setlist centered on one album from 1980 (The River), the Boss also played many of his standards, along with some newer songs in his catalog that are important to him.

"Yeah we know that come tomorrow, none of this will be here. So hold tight to your anger and don't fall to your fears."

A Lesson in Success, Learned From My Son

There are many times when lessons are learned even when you are not seeking knowledge. My son has taught me a significant lesson over the past few months and the lesson deals with commitment, initiative, optimism, learning and application of the skills acquired.

My approach to problem solving and empowerment at work will be impacted by this lesson.

This all started with a 2006 Volvo S40.

Commitment

My son is 17. Early last year he became interested in acquiring a used vehicle, a standard, and hopefully one that could meet the test for being cool in today's high school environment. I was surprised by his efforts to locate just the right vehicle, and even more surprised when he told me he found what he wanted. The sleek black Volvo was for sale at a very reasonable price and he worked towards acquiring it. Once it made it to our driveway he worked on it almost every available hour - washing / waxing almost daily, detailing the inside, resolving small issues that he could repair and customizing the paint and wheels to his satisfaction. All was well until the engine blew.

Initiative

My son is interested in becoming a diesel tech / mechanic and currently works in a diesel shop. While he is interested in engines and how they work he certainly is early in the process of understanding them and / or knowing how to repair them. When the Volvo engine failed he dug in to try to figure out what went wrong and how it might be resolved. We involved a Volvo mechanic at one point and his message was clear, this engine can't be fixed and the price of replacing it is too much. Scrap the car and move on. From my perspective (meaning I have no idea when it comes to engines) this sounded like sound reasoning, wisdom even - cut your losses and give up on this difficult if not impossible project.

Optimism

From my son's perspective he just could not accept giving up on the problem so quickly. He was invested in this car. Financially invested, yes, but more so through the hours of effort and the emotional attachment that comes with owning your dream car. Despite my efforts of acting on the wisdom of the Volvo mechanic, my son pressed on. And without fail he continued to state that it could be fixed. Everything that the Volvo mechanic stated (I won't bore you with the mechanical details; I would probably relay them incorrectly anyway), my son said "but he wasn't considering this", or "I think I can find a way to solve that". Optimism was the drum beat.

Learning

Every so often my son would give me an update. The Volvo was now in our garage in quite a state of disrepair, with engine parts strewn everywhere. One day my son walks up to me and starts talking about some progress he has made. I see his mobile phone and I ask him why there are black marks all over the back of it. Oh, he responds, it is just engine grease. So I learn through this interaction that he is using YouTube as his knowledge center, looking up how-to's related to foreign cars, Volvo specific, and how valves and cylinders and timing belts work and sometimes don't. Many times he would just set his phone down near where he was working and watch the video as he applied what he was watching and learning. Amazing.

He also sought out additional expertise through a friend and his father that work on cars as a hobby. They had a similar optimism in their views on getting the car running.

Application

Soon enough, and for far less than a complete engine rebuild / replacement, the optimism started to appear well founded. The application of the knowledge he had gathered was tremendous. I would get almost daily updates that would go something like this - "we think we have it narrowed down to three options. I am pursuing this option first and will have the parts tomorrow". Everything the expert had told us was right in some ways - from his perspective this would be a huge project, very time consuming and therefore very expensive, without 100% assurance of success. He didn't know that my son would invest the time, gain the knowledge, work endless hours for no charge but with confidence that the car would live again. My son was 100% confident that he would be successful.

Solution

Earlier this week I received a text from my son. It read simply "It's allllivvvvveeeee!!!!!". He soon sent me a Snapchat as further proof.

So much of his success was based on his approach; he wouldn't accept no as an answer without proving it to himself, he committed himself to learning and took the initiative to gain knowledge and apply it, and he remained optimistic throughout, regardless of the setbacks along the way.

Success.